Woman. She is all mystery.
Why does every story have the beauty in it?—think about it, all our favorite epic adventures have a woman woven into the plot. In general terms: a rescue scene where the valiant price fights courageously against the evil wizard, breaking into the tall castle and rescuing the golden haired maiden? What is that about? why does that speak to us as men? Because that story, among others, is woven into our nature, into the masculine heart God gave us.
But the mystery, what is it about her that so confuses us? It could be viewed as entanglement. We have been caught up in a web of confusion. So we must first begin with disentanglement: We men, we “valiant princes” have been looking to her, in a general or corporate way, we have been looking to her for the wrong reasons. Specifically, we have been looking to our woman, our beauty to heal our wound, to give us comfort and security. We go there to find mercy and peace in her nurturing arms. Not to say she cannot give us all that in a wonderful relationship. But when we go looking for these things to fill us to make us complete to answer our question, is it not true that we are really looking for God? Whether we know it our not, we are.
Every man has “the question” which is another way of saying that we are all in search of a validating answer from somewhere. Somebody. Is it not true that we men seek our validation in our work, in our status, in our talents, personality, adventures? And very often, our woman. The false answer from these other “sources” for our answer, put that aside for now, that’s another topic for another day. For now, examine what happens when you take your question to Eve… generic term for woman. If you take your question there and she accepts you—you’re hooked. “This is it!,” your heart sings, “I am complete and whole! I am a man in her arms!” She accepts you: Our first infatuated love. The woman of your dreams, we all have experience with this. So easily we can move into addiction if “this Eve” never rejects you—that’s the pull of porn and the sex industry. The opposite can happen as well: If you take your question to her and she rejects you, devastation results. Getting dumped by the first girlfriend is a common experience, but also loving and living in a marriage can bring rejection. In short, when we take our question to Eve—it is common that either addiction or devastation can result. If you give her the power to validate you, you also have given her the power to invalidate you. Just to avoid confusion, this is not about loving and nurturing your beloved, not at all about the commitment and support of a rich and fulfilling marriage… it is about keeping our hearts filled from the real and lasting source. Again, taking your question to Eve, at its best, is confusing and a source of struggle. At its worst, it is lethal.
Why then is it so natural, so subtle and common a pattern to us men, this taking our question to her? Go back to the Garden. There was a brief moment when Eve had eaten the apple and Adam had not. Adam had to choose between Eve and God. He chose Eve, and we have been suffering the consequences of Adam’s choice ever since. Every time we repeat Adam’s choice, we surrender something in our hearts, and part of our strength. Yet if we can reverse Adam’s choice and choose God first for the answer to our question, for the source of our validation, what a difference it makes. We return to her not seeking to be filled, but to fill. With our strength, with the fulfillment of our question from the true and lasting source. Is that the picture of true masculinity, as God designed it to be?
So then this may put a different light toward all the sexuality issues that we battle on a daily basis—porn, lust, affairs, etc. Are they not really just battles for our heart, the cistern of our God given strength? Could it be said that every choice of Eve over God pokes a hole in that cistern, a hole in our heart, and leakage occurs? We can’t hold the living water in our heart? Every choice of Eve over God, whether it be the little bit of delicious porn we take in, those little emotional tease-and-connect gigs we have with the maiden at the office, or where we allow our woman to answer our question, does that not cause us to surrender something? Something valuable and essential to our role as men? And then what can we offer from that weakened place?
Remember that evil wizard in the story? He is real, and Satan has a special hatred for Eve. Look at the world today—the vicious assault on the feminine heart and her special gift of nurturing and giving life, notice the twisted way that a woman is valued today, in the eyes of the world standard. For her looks, for her sexual availability, for use and degradation as an object. The darkness of the porn and sex slavery prisons. Satan’s hatred of her as a life giver is evident; for Satan can only take and not give. Here’s the point: you will need every ounce of your strength to fight for her. Your heart will be needed. Your masculine strength will be required and that strength must come from the true and lasting source.
Here's the good news: You will behold a woman come alive when she knows a man, especially her man is fighting for her. It is an amazing transformation.
A small note of caution: you might not want to use the term “Rescue the Beauty” to your significant maiden; they don’t normally get that. I made this mistake a few years ago with my wife, she responded “What!?” with a sharp retort, “I do not need rescuing, thank you very much.”
And a lengthy explanation did not help, you get the picture, quit digging the hole, man. A better term for this might be “fighting for her heart” or “offering your strength.” Even better, follow the axiom that actions speak louder than words. Just do it and don’t talk about it too much with her, perhaps save that for your Band of Brothers. That’s our experience.
Yes, this mystery of Eve might be the most unconscious detours we have taken as men, where we wake up (or worse, never wake up at all) and marvel at how lost we have become. Imagine a world where, instead of holding out your cup to your woman, your job, your worldly sources of affirmation with the intent of “fill me, fill me”—rather—imagine a world where you receive the filling straight from God, and then go around your world pouring it out. Now zoom that picture in to your relationship with your significant maiden. What would that look like? That’s what this is about. Finding our validation in our connection with God, affirmation in our connection with our brothers, and loving and nurturing our maidens and our family from a true and masculine heart.